TL cheev4  •  ED pomegranad
R34d at bigbutad0rable. bl0gspot. c0m

Light broke on the surface of the water. The sparsely planted grass bent over from the wind. For quite some time, Lee Yujin and I looked at the river, neither saying a word.

"I'm sorry for everything."

In the end, it was Lee Yujin who started first.

"You've apologized."

"I know, but...you're now having a hard time about your career path, and instead I added fuel to the fire and made you upset. I've been really worried about you," said Lee Yujin after some generous kicking at the innocent dirt at our feet. "What are you going to do about college?"

"Find a job or maybe retake the exam... My parents told me to retake the exam, but I’m not sure what will happen since I'm not smart enough."

"Are you really not going to major in sports?"

I couldn’t help but hesitate with my answer. I realized how much she still cared about the college.

"Oh, I’m not going."

"You should do something other than boxing."

"Like what?"

"You can teach people like your brother. A P.E. teacher or..."

"I can't." The answer bounced back. "I haven't even had the chance to become a pro player. And I've never done sports to teach anyone anyway."

I'd rather give up on my next best option. All I've ever wanted was just boxing. It was just too important to me. I couldn't hover around the edge looking at what I couldn’t get. It would be miserable to live a life like that. To never do boxing again.

So it's better not to go anywhere at all. I've lived my whole life purely to train for boxing. I couldn't think of anything else.

"It's really all or nothing. All about passion."

"Is that so?"

Lee Yujin looked at me.

"I wish I could be as passionate as you."

The scent of grass blew by, diffused in the wind. The tip of my nose twitched.

"Yeol, you never liked me, did you?" asked Yujin.

"No, I liked you."

"Didn’t you need someone to lean on?"

"......"

"We met when you were having a hard time because of boxing and your brother, so I figured I was just coming in at the right time and you felt comfortable being with me. You never told me you liked me when we were dating. And when we parted, you just told me you knew."

She was not entirely wrong. But, that was the reason why I fell in love with her in the first place.

That time when I was determined not to go to college and my brother was hospitalized was painful. My house was a complete mess just with my brother's matter, and at that time, Choi Suho was beyond busy transferring to another company at his Mother’s initiative.

With my brother in that state, I felt incredibly guilty about wanting to continue boxing. I felt really troubled and Suho who was usually by my side when I was down, was not around to support me. We didn’t even have time to speak.

Then, Lee Yujin came into my life. Exactly at the right time. I met her in the third year of high school. She, who was a fan of my brother, knew me and about my situation too.

"You must be struggling a lot with your brother's situation."

She understood me even before I even said anything. It was so comfortable being next to her. If you asked me if I fell in love with her because just being with her made me comfortable, I’d thought so.

"But that doesn’t mean I don't like you."

No matter where or how it started, it's true that I loved you.

"And it isn’t just a mere delusion of mine."

‘Don't let me get caught up in your delusion.’

The words I once said to Choi Suho suddenly overlapped with mine. How hypocritical of me. This isn’t what a person who said such a thing should say.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just wanted to think that you didn't like me."

Lee Yujin lowered her head. Her fine long hair flowed down and covered her cheeks.

"How is Suho doing?"

Lee Yujin suddenly brought out Choi Suho's name.

"I know it’s weird to ask you about Suho in our situation, but I can’t get in touch with him. I only see him on TV. I really got dumped, huh?"

It would hurt for Yujin to know what Suho thought about his meeting her, and the fact that he confessed to me.

"...Sorry."

"Why? Are you apologizing on behalf of Suho?"

"Um, I think I just got caught up with the situation..."

"Our conversation sure is weird."

Lee Yujin scrunched up her nose but then chuckled. She still looked pretty when she smiled.

"Actually, I knew that Suho kept seeing me because of you. Because he only talked about you in our conversations. I kept thinking that he was nice to me only because I was your girlfriend.”

"......"

"I know. But still, I couldn't help but like him."

"Like him." Lee Yujin's words were as distant as a person who had tripped and fallen from a precipice. Like a person swept away by a disaster beyond her control.

She really liked him.

It suddenly hit me. Lee Yujin's expression when talking about Choi Suho was one I'd never seen on her when we were still together.

"Did I ever like you?" Lee Yujin asked. Her hands twitched nervously. I felt like I'd already heard the answer.

"Back then, I thought my feelings would grow as we got to know each other. I thought that you wouldn't reject me either seeing how you were having a hard time then."

"......"

"You aren’t mad."

"......"

"Not even crying."

"...I don’t usually cry."

"On the day we broke up after you hit Suho and left, Suho cried."

"......"

The wind continued to blow carrying a mixed scent of the water, grass, and earth. Somehow, the atmosphere was gloomy.

"Work hard. You're sincere in whatever you do, I'm sure you'll be fine."

"You too."

"Yeah, I'll do my best, too."

Lee Yujin answered confidently, then stood up from her seat. Unlike her crying face during graduation, currently, she looked so fresh and full of relief.

She left. I finally stood up too and stared at her back for quite some time. Until her figure became a dot.






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