TL cheev4  •  ED pomegranad
R34d at bigbutad0rable. bl0gspot. c0m

"Let me in."

It reminded me of a vampire movie I watched a while ago. There was a scene where the vampire couldn't enter a house unless invited so they begged the protagonist to let them in. Choi Suho acted a bit like that. If there was any part of him that resembled the vampire, it was his pale face.

"Go away."

But Suho pushed his way in through the open gap. I didn't have the heart to close the door on him too hard for fear of hurting him. Choi Suho managed to get in.

"Why don't you eat more? Because of the weight class?" he asked, with a guiltless face. Because Mom and Dad were home, I couldn't kick this kid out.

"What weight class? I don’t even do matches anymore."

"You can just go."

"Do you want to see my mom and dad faint?"

"But you want to go."

Of course, I wanted to. I want to go out and win a match and go to another match and then another. I wanted to be a pro and become a champion. Sure, I still did boxing, but it was different. I wanted the real deal.

Just as I knew Choi Suho very well, he also knew me very well. He frowned, probably knowing how I currently felt.

"Don't try to start an important conversation with me. I told you I'm not in the mood to see your face. Get out."

"I can't live without seeing you."  

"Stop talking crazy and get out."  

"I'm not crazy. It's real."

He was being cheesy. Is this an actor thing?

"Are you on drugs or something?"

I grimaced in disgust, Choi Suho instead stepped closer to me. Why did he keep sticking to me again? I avoided him as much as I could, creeping back one step at a time until my legs touched the bed and ultimately fell onto it. I felt like I was being cornered again. But, he then plopped his a*s on the mattress on the floor, as if that was what he originally intended to do. Despite him sitting on the floor, our eyes were almost the same level. He was smaller than me when we were younger, but at what point did he grow up to be this big? He didn't even eat a lot either.

Choi Suho looked at me.

"I'm sorry I forced you to kiss me earlier."

Kiss. I felt sick to my stomach hearing that word coming out of Suho's mouth.

"Can't you not call it that?"

"Call what?"

"That...kiss."

"A kiss is a kiss. What else do you want me to call it, Yeol?"

"Never mind, go home when you're done eating."

I shoved my feet to Suho's shoulder, but he remained still.

"I can't until you forgive me."

"I have no intention of doing that. Go back."

"How can you forgive me?"

"If you don’t harass people like this again and reflect on yourself earnestly."

"I  am reflecting on myself now..."

"Would someone who is reflecting on himself  insist on coming to the house of the person he harassed just an hour after committing said harassing?"

"I wanted to apologize to you."  

"Have you apologized to Lee Yujin?"

Choi Suho shut up at that. I was sure he must have not even contacted her properly since that day yet, let alone apologized. This is why he only had me as his friend.

"Apologize to Lee Yujin."

"Will you forgive me then?"

"Don't ever do that to me again."

"The kiss?"

"I told you it wasn't a kiss."  

"Did you ever kiss Lee Yujin?"

"What..."

I was out of words. As the silence grew longer, Choi's eyes squinted. This expression of his somehow gave a different aura to him than before. He was able to change his mood so quickly, so easy to control how he appears to others.

"What's with that face? I've made it clear I don't want to be in that kind of relationship with you."

"We can still kiss even if we're not going out."

"Are you crazy? Da*n shiet kid."

"I'm serious."

Choi Suho once again managed to quickly change his mood. He said that with a real serious tone that I was so appalled at I missed the chance to get back at him. Taking advantage of my hesitation, Choi Suho became enthusiastic continuing his words.

"I've liked you since I was young. From the beginning."  

"......"

"I was far ahead of Lee Yoojin."

That strong-spoken attitude was more of a protest than a confession. Or maybe even an attack.

He was not doing this as a joke, not only to get my attention. Choi was serious.  

How should I react to a confession from my childhood friend who apparently had liked me since he was a kid? I felt like I had been hit on the head with an iron rod.

"Why are you okay with Lee Yujin? But not me? What am I supposed to do? Just the thought of you dating someone else drives me crazy. I can't stand seeing you you like someone more than me."

Suho's voice was filled with anger. While talking frantically, his eyes, staring at me were wet. He was on the verge of crying.

My stomach churned.

He liked me. He had liked me for a long time ago.

The time we had been stuck together was suddenly painted in a different color.

"...What do you want me to do?"

"Go out with me."

I thought I had already refused more than three times, but Choi Suho was too firm as if he'd never heard my answer. Is he going to ask me out until I say I would?

"You made me like you."

Now he’s pushing the blame to me?

Choi Suho took my hands then buried his face in my palms.

"So you have to take responsibility."

He pressed kisses onto my palms, my knuckles, my fingertips and, finally on the back of my hands, each as tender as the last. 

"I know you will."

"Why would I...?"

"Because Yeol listens to everything I say."

Maybe it was also my fault, for always being soft on him. My head felt cold as if I had been doused in a bucket of ice water. Chills ran down my spine.

"You're the only one I have."

These words, all of which he had said to me since we had been children, felt like they were engraved on me. Carved into my mind. As if he was brainwashing me. It made me unable to shake off Suho's hand. But then, I came back to my senses, “This was not friends do”. This was abnormal.

"Stop it."

"What do I have to stop?"

"Everything you do now."

"I don't want to."

Choi Suho sunk his teeth in my hand. The feeling of the hard teeth pressing down on my flesh gave me the creeps. I tried pulling my hand back but Choi Suho grabbed my wrist.

"I can't stop."

He climbed onto my bed, our eyes were at the same level now.  His hands moved to my shoulders. I tried resisting Suho's force which was unexpectedly stronger than I thought initially.

"Since when had forcing people become your habit? You're making me mad."

I grabbed Suho's wrists and squeezed them hard, ignoring the handprints I left on his skin. Suho groaned, finally releasing his hands from my shoulders.

"Do you think it’s okay for you to do this to me? Are you proud of having hurt Yujin? Do I have to accept your confession immediately, no questions asked? Me? Are you sure you’re not mistaken and just because I am always next to you? I mean, you hate being with other people. Just think again. Don't let me get caught up in your delusion."

I was always with Choi Suho ever since we were kids. To me, we were friends, even family, almost brothers. But to him, the times we spent together meant something entirely different.

I did not understand why he was choosing to say he liked me now.

I thought that he and I were closer than anyone else. I was confident that I knew all about him.

"Why do you think it's a delusion?" Suho asked, his voice trembling, eyes red.

"I mean, this is not the first time you’ve played a weird trick on me to get what you want."

"I..."

A series of knocks was suddenly heard. Choi Suho's mouth closes. Neither I or Choi Suho responded. Soon, the door opened.

"Eat some fruit―oh."

My Mother stopped her steps with a plate of cut apples in her hand. Probably because the atmosphere between us looked unusual, my Mother shut her mouth and glanced at Choi Suho.

"Thank you, but I'll be going home."

There was a long silence after Suho opened his mouth. Even mother, who would usually hold him back to stay longer, was quiet.

Choi Suho stood up from his seat with a messed up face. I turned my back to him on purpose to avoid looking at the door as he left.





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